Hulu and the Masters of the Universe

Alright, so I've just recently (Superbowl ads do work) discovered Hulu and I must say...awesome! Having full episodes of your favorite shows virtually commercial free (they play VERY short ads occasionally) is just plain, well, awesome. However, it's also like crack, so be careful.

Anyway, I just discovered something about Hulu that I didn't expect. It has brought my sons and I together in a way that wouldn't have been possible without it. We now share a bond that will never be broken, for it was forged in the fires of Eternia; in the halls of Castle Greyskull. Yes, my sons and I have discovered full episodes of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe!!! And, I am proud to say that my sons wanted to watch episode after episode and I didn't just say yes...I said "I HAVE THE POWER!!!" and clicked play! It was AWESOME!!!

It was so cool seeing them glued to a little bit of my past and seeing what I probably looked like when I was glued to it in 1983! When I finally decided to make them go to bed...they ran to Gabe's room and grabbed the three or four surviving He-Man toys from my childhood (yes, I still have them) and we're going crazy as He-Man, Skeletor and King Randor. For the first time, they now understood why those toys are so DANG COOL! And, when I heard Gabe yell, "I have the powerrrrr!!" as he held He-Man aloft...there might have been a tear...and this time, I didn't cringe when they smacked them together...for now they understand the awesomeness of He-Man and The Masters of the Universe!

Gabe on the news.....

http://ww2.wctv6.com/global/video/flash/popupplayer.asp?clipId1=3548576&at1=Sport&vt1=v&h1=11pm+Sports+3%2D14&d1=363300&redirUrl=http://www.wctv6.com&activePane=info&LaunchPageAdTag=homepage&clipFormat=flv&rnd=60344957


Gabe's class did a Fun Run on Saturday. Click on this link and about 3 minutes into the segment it talks about the race. He is on the clip about 3 times. He has a hat and green shirt on! Had to share!

Kelly

Joel...

Well...I am getting a new cell phone hopefully tomorrow and finally figured out how to get these pictures off my phone without deleting them. I cry every time I look at them because of how we felt during this time. The emotions just come rolling back like it is happening all over again. I still haven't been able to watch the video we took for his birth. I know I am so blessed to have this sweet guy in my life, who makes me laugh and keeps me on my toes...it's just still so fresh in my mind! Just so blessed and thankful for this little bundle of energy! Can't help but to spoil him rotten!

Pictures for Angela

Gabe on Friday after his school program.



Noah picking strawberries!




Joel in the bath tub fully dressed I think this was the 2nd time he did this.




My sisters & me with my sweet baby niece!

Songs that make me happy.

You have to be ready to turn up the volume and enjoy these three. They aren't crazy...they're just some of my favorite songs to lift the spirits. So, if you're down...remember these songs as fun pick-me-ups.

1. I love this song. In fact...I've recently taken the step to call it my favorite song. There are more than just musical reasons. I'm a sucker for nostalgia and this reminds me of when I was little, hanging out at home in the afternoons with my big sisters. In the time frame between getting home from school and the absolute deadline to begin cleaning and have it done before our parents came home, they would force me to watch MTV. I would rather have been watching He-Man, Transformers and G.I. Joe. But, every now and then...this song came on and it made me laugh. It isn't He-Man...but it's almost as enjoyable to the 9 year old in me. It makes me happy. (Thanks for the memories Annmarie and Melanie)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=945FOiz7nMA

2. This song is just awesome. I like it. A lot. It is one of my favorites and the man singing it has a cool story. He died young, but touched a lot of lives and lived life happy, thinking of family, friends and community over himself. He was loved and at the end of this you'll see the kind of love people had for him at his traditional Hawaiian funeral. This song makes me happy and want to close my eyes and think of good things.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D68ymfjpw98

3. A classic. It just is. And it makes me happy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5IIXeR5OUI&feature=related

So what songs make you happy? The ones that make you smile when you hear them, no matter how your day was going before it came on?

I'm telling Mommy!

A few days ago I decided to take a quick shower while Joel & Noah were playing. I came out of the bathroom and Noah said..."Mommy, Joel had your make up but I took it from him." I said well thank you Noah! However take a look at the evidence on his face! I couldn't help but laugh & laugh! He was tattle telling but was covered with the evidence! Kids are so fun!

Joel's New Bed!!

Well, we've had lots of fun at our house lately! Joel has been talking up a storm and just does things to keep us laughing. He climbed out of the crib a few months back and we thought...here it comes, but to our surprise...he didn't do it again until about 2 weeks ago. He just fell out! He had this huge red mark on his head and I decided it was time to take the front off his crib and let him be a "Big Boy!" My other boys were already out of their cribs by 18 months and didn't mind us putting a full size bed rail on the side so they didn't fall out. In fact...they never touched it! However...Joel is a different story. He hates it! He pushed it off and just started playing all around his room. I let him play thinking he would get tired and just go back to his bed. WRONG! I decided to go check and this is what I found. Yes, sound asleep in the Thomas ball pit! The only way I found him was the toy in the ball pit made a noise and then I saw him.









He has been very fun! At night he goes right to sleep because it is dark and he can't see, but during nap time....it's an adventure. He's fallen asleep at the door on the floor after several minutes of yelling "Knock Knock Mommy"! The lastest today was just too funny! He was playing instead of napping and was having a great time. I decided to go back into his room to put him back to bed and when I got to his room, he had taken about 40 diapers and thrown them out of the basket they are normally in. I opened the door and he said..."Made Mess!" I couldn't help but laugh!

I know the Truth, but don't completely understand it.

(Note: Please comment on this post with your thoughts. I'd love to have your insights and hear from other Christ followers. We understand things together.)

This is going to be another "controversial" post for some. Let me start by saying that I want my faith to be that of a child. I hear the questions my sons ask me. So sincere is their heart in wanting to understand God, faith, death. That's the way I want my faith to be. Pure, sincere, open and to the point. So I am going to be blunt with childlike realism. I have over the years (and a lot recently) been trying to get to the core of what I believe spiritually. At the core, I believe in God. I believe He hears us. I believe in His love for us and that He sent His son to die for us. This I believe. I have faith in that.

Now, let's get to the harder stuff. I truly believe in asking questions of God when you don't understand. I think it's good to question. I think He wants us to question. I think questions are okay. I think fear is okay. I think admitting that you don't have a clue or shred of understanding of God, His plan, His world or His heaven is okay. All of these are okay as long as you are seeking the answer. Don't let doubts turn your heart, but rather ask it bluntly and most importantly, be open to His answer.

Here are some of my biggest questions and I'm okay with saying I don't know or understand them. I'll even go as far as to say that sometimes I doubt them. But one doesn't learn without asking. I say these things out loud as David did and John the Baptist did. I ask these things of God quite frequently as God says we can. To ask is to learn. To question is to gain wisdom.

Why the game? Why this long game of cat and mouse with Satan? He could have destroyed Satan in the war in heaven. Why cast him down with humans? If I'm battling a snake in my yard, do I throw it in the house with my children? Why let him run the Earth? Why converse with Satan so casually about the suffering of one of God's children (Job)? Why not strike him down then? Why reveal Satan to us in scripture only to have us battle with his attacks, when in the end Satan's efforts are all futile. Is it simply to strengthen us through battle? Is it simply to force a choice for us? Is it because only through trial do we show our true loyalty? Aren't good people lost because of this game? People that would have chosen God if it weren't for the game? I don't understand this game. I don't know the rules. It's real time strategy, but I don't control very much of the map and I can't see the enemy. I wish I knew the gameplan, but I have faith in His leadership.

Prayer: Yes. Shock!! I don't understand prayer. Prayer has been proven, even by science to be good for you. It makes you healthier, happier, and less stressed. Sometimes, I can't help but to have questions though. Is prayer God's spiritual placebo? Does He really answer prayers? The fact that we can just dismiss an unanswered prayer as a "No" seems to easy. With some prayers being answered, many not and many we just forget about, I can't help but to wonder if it's all just coincidental. What if God wants us to pray because it's good for us. It helps us "give it to Him" because that's the way it happens anyway. He is a practical God. He gave really practical laws to the Jews regarding health and cleanliness. It helped them through the black plague. What if things just happen because that's God's plan and praying is just something to help us deal with it? Or, maybe He does answer prayers. I don't know. But I do pray, though not enough and I know He hears us and I know that in the Old Testament He did answer them and even changed His mind when Moses lobbied to save the Israelites. But, I'm no Moses. Regardless if it's for an answer or just for peace of mind, I pray and will pray...if for no other reason than a chance to talk to an awesome God and remind myself that He is in control.

Heaven: Yep. No clue, there. Don't know what it's like. Don't know where it is. Don't know when you actually go there (right when you die? or before, during or after the Second Coming?). Don't know what happens when you get there. I just don't know or understand anything about it and I also have a fear that when I get there they'll laugh and say "there's been some kind of mistake." Come on, I'm not the only one scared that will happen.

Earth and Creation:

(Big category) I'll try to keep this one short, but it has a lot in it. Dinosaurs (when, why, how long, what's the purpose, why before man)?

Is man really the only creature with a soul on Earth? Look, I'm not an animal lover. In fact, I don't like very many. However, it isn't hard to notice that there are other animals on Earth that are capable of immense compassion, complex thought, mercy, maybe even love (Great Apes come to mind). These animals feel and react to pain both physical and emotional. Are they soulless? Are they throw away beings? I don't think God thinks that.

How about those animals and how they got there. This is really hard to put out there, but I have questions about Noah. Every animal? Two of them? On a boat? Only survivors and just two of each species repopulated the entire earth? Genetically, it isn't possible for two to make a sustainable population. Researchers are trying to save species around the planet, but when they are down to two...it's over. There is no saving the species. So, either God stepped in (which could have been the case) or more animals survived the flood and Noah just had the best stock. The studs if you will. Who knows?

Finally, the big one. Adam and Eve. On the same note as above...we know two can't make a sustainable population. Incest, etc. come in there as well and that has always bothered me. Did God create more humans and it just isn't mentioned? Did he just make it possible for that time? We see the damage this kind of breeding can have. How did it happen then? How did it work for both Adam and Eve and Noah (who also had to repopulate the Earth)? I don't know.

I want to say again, that I am not saying that any of these are impossible or that I don't believe in them. I have faith in each of these. We are talking about a mighty God who can do anything. I'm just saying that these are topics I wonder about. Do we really have a grasp to understand this stuff? I am not one to just say "it is so because it is and to question it is wrong." I also believe these are major questions that seekers wonder about and to be dismissive of them and explain it away as "it's supernatural so deal with it" is something we can't do. I plan to try to get an understanding of these things through His word and His workers. I just wanted to share my questions and encourage anyone who has questions that it's okay to admit that. Seek Him in your doubts and He will show you the answer.

I...am blessed?

I am blessed…and I don’t understand it. Tremendously blessed. Unbelievably blessed. Remarkably blessed. Disturbingly blessed. Sickeningly blessed. Do I deserve it? The question makes me ill for I know the answer. Not in the slightest. Not in the least. I am broken. I am pained. I am sinful. I am strained. I am prideful. I am lustful. I am greedy. I am stingy. I am boastful. I am weak. I am stubborn, and yet….I am blessed.

Why?! How can this be? It must be mistaken. It has to be blessings misplaced. Despite what I’m told, it can’t be just grace. I have children, a wife. I have cars and a home. I have a job, friends, and success in tough times. When others struggle, I await a bonus. When others worry about losing everything, I complain about my extra car having trouble. I see businesses closing and yet I can sell. I see children unhealthy and marriages fail. Mine thrive. Every day I wait in anticipation for a realization of this grave mistake. It can’t be meant for me. When will it end? When will the charade be over and the laughter at my expense begin. I prepare myself for the correction.

If these blessings are indeed meant for me, well that’s a whole other problem. How do you expect me to handle such gifts!? I don’t deserve it! I am broken! I am pained! I am sinful! I am strained! I am prideful! I am lustful! I am greedy! I am stingy! I am boastful! I am weak! I am stubborn! I am…Forgiven. I am Thankful. I am Blessed.

Long time no blog.

Well, it's been a LONG time since I've written a blog. I could blame my schedule, or something else, but admittedly, I've just been blogthargic. Just a few updates, work is crazy, crazy busy, which is AWESOME! Things are going well there. Our family has been sick over the entire Thanksgiving holiday. Joel even ran 104.7 at one point and had to go to urgent care. Our van broke down again, which could be a blog in itself. Let's just leave it at, it's a Ford (backwards it spells Driver Returns On Foot) and we're just about done with it. It's only saving grace might be that we got bad gas, but if it's something else, like a fuel pump, well then this will give you an idea of my intentions.

The boys are doing great overall. Gabe is still doing well in school and Noah is a great big brother to Joel who refers to him as Wowah. Noah has continued to amaze us with his wit and humor. They are far ahead of his age. He visited his Nana recently by himself (first time any of them have stayed away for a weekend) and he was in the car with Nana waiting on one of his cousins, Samuel to get something out of the house. Samuel, who is at the clumsy stage, goes to enter the house and smacks himself in the face with the door. Noah doesn't miss a beat, busts out laughing and says, "Nana, did you see what Samuel just did...he went BAM and hit himself in the head with the door." as he continues to laugh out loud. Samuel even stopped crying because Noah was making everybody laugh, including him. Then, the other night, we were all at the dinner table and Kelly told Noah, who was refusing to stay seated, "Noah, stop getting up, you haven't touched your food!" Noah, then sits down...puts his index finger on top of his chicken and says, "I'm touching it Mommy." and laughs. Yes, he's a little punk.

Other big news, Kelly turns 30 on December 13th!! We are planning a party for her on the 12th. Fondue fun! The 13th is also a big event that I encourage anyone with small kids to come too. It's Movies in the Park at Tekesta park. Classic Christmas cartoons played on big screens outside with free hot chocolate and cookies for all!! It's pretty cool. So, I'm planning Kelly's party and that event. It's a busy, but fun, fun month!

For Grandmama

Gabe's Scarecrow Homework

Gabe had homework. The family had to help him decorate, name and write a story about a scarecrow! Here's our finished project! We had fun!

Samuel the Scarecrow

There once was a scarecrow named Samuel that scared all the crows away. He loved his job! He really liked living in the farmyard. His friends lived in the other yard and Samuel really wanted to play with them but they were stuck in the ground and couldn't move. At night when everyone was asleep all the scarecrows would get off their poles and go play. The End!

Written by Gabe & Noah Conrad 10/22/08.

For NOAH!

I thought in honor of Noah turning FOUR years old this week; I'd take the time to blog about NOAH! Here's a picture of him on his Birthday (10/14/08) helping me frost the cupcakes...well...actually eating the frosting. It's the best part!

I don't know where the time has gone. Just seems like yesterday he was born and now he's FOUR! Well, I am really blessed & thankful for my Noah! He is so very entertaining! You never know what will come out of his mouth! You know the kid...that waits for the worst time EVER to tell your friends..."My mommy farted in the car!" You jokingly say...that Noah will say anything...hoping they believe you! The past few weeks, he's been on a soccer team. I wouldn't say Noah plays soccer because he doesn't. Maybe for a minute or two and then decides it's a lot of work to run and he is done! It's been very entertaining to watch 3-4 year olds play soccer and to think that kids that age can get it! Well, not Noah, but it's sure been fun trying to figure out ways to get him to play for a few seconds. He's coming around with two games left! HA! Sports just may not be his thing but it's been entertaining!

Noah is also a very hands on child. He thought he would finger paint on the computer, keyboard & printer with TOOTHPASTE. Also, after applying red lipstick to his cheeks and fingers thought my carpet would look better RED than tan...he rubbed his fingers in the carpet.(Red was not his color) Another time after watching Mommy clean out the tub he decided the carpet was dirty and had a blast making designs with Soft Scrub in the carpet. (Daddy was called home with this incident!) My favorite is when he was almost 2 years old...we had blue sand in the sandbox outside and Noah decided his diaper was wet and took it off. He was only wearing the diaper and a cowboy scarf so when he took off the diaper...he was naked with except the red scarf & blue sand all over his body! It's the funniest picture! Obviously won't post that one! Oh, sweet Noah! You are such a little explorer!

There is also such a wonderful sweet side to him. He constantly follows me around the house with his Thomas sleeping bag and Farmyard Tales book(by USBOURNE...great book!) asking me to read to him. (He says it's MY favorite book...but it's really his!) He likes to sit right beside you (well actually it's on top of you) and read books! I love his laid back personality! He is very easy going and sweet natured. He loves to help! He likes to unload the silverware from the dishwasher and when I go to the grocery store...he's the first out the door telling me he'll help bring them inside! So it's been 4 years since God blessed us with this ball of energy and I am so thankful! There is never a dull moment with him and I look forward to all the other entertaining things ahead! (I am a little nervous & scared though!) My little pumpkin, I love you very much!

Warning...Warning...

So just want to inform you to NOT, I repeat NOT go the Southeastern Urology! As most of you know, I had a bladder sling and hysterectomy in July. While in the hospital, I was never seen by the urologist (Dr. Tran). I am only informed by my OB/GYN that he actually did perform the procedure. I had issues from him not visiting me in the hospital such as the nurses trying to send me home for the weekend with a cathetor and Jonathan & I calling the on-call urologist to get it removed. Next, he failed to send me home with antibiotics so of course two weeks post partum...I end up with the WORST EVER urinary tract infection. During those two weeks however I had called the office several times asking if I should have been given the antibiotics and the staff would never return my call. I called three times! Finally leave a message one night for the on-call urologist and he tells me to come in first thing in the morning that sounds like I do have an infection. UGH! I go to the office for the infection (with all three boys & have to WAIT forever) and get sent home finally with medicine and told to come back in a month. So...a month goes by and I am still having a little burning and getting up several times at night to go to the bathroom. I ask about that and am told that I still have white cells in my urine which could explain that but that Dr. Tran would like to run a culture and make sure. I am told that if I don't get a call in two days to please call his office. So, I leave the office without antibiotics and await a call. Two days later, I call! Two messages later I get a call back that the culture isn't back yet. Life goes on and I forget...I remember on Thursday of the next week, so I call and leave a message. Friday, I call and leave a message! Monday...I'm very annoyed! I beg the receptionist to help me find out the results. It's been almost 2 weeks and still no answer. She apologizes and leaves an email for Dr. Tran's nurse (apparantly she checks the email faster). Still no return call. I call again on Tuesday, TWO WEEKS LATER!!!! I get the same receptionist and she promises me she will get "Jennifer" on the phone. She does and I am told that she tried to call me at my home number twice. WHAT!? I haven't had that number in three years! Every time I have been in the office I have been given a sheet to look over and every time everything has been correct. Besides that the 10 times I have left messages I would tell her my correct phone number to call me back. The one time she returned my call it was on my cell. I told her that there is no excuse! She then proceeds to tell me that the culture did grow THREE organisms but she couldn't tell me if indeed I had an infection or not. Whatever antibiotic Dr. Tran gave me on 9/16 probably had taken care of it! WHAT!?! At this time, I am about to lose my short temper! I inform her I was not given any medicine and the symptoms were now worse. All she could tell me is that I would have to come back in and give them another urine sample so they could run another culture! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I simply tell her no thank you and hang up! I am not about to wait another two weeks!

I then make an appointment with my primary care physician for the next morning. He listens and tells me if there is still white cells in my urine I probably still have the infection and will prescribe me an antibiotic. He will then run a culture and if I need a different antibiotic, he will call me one in! I did still have white cells in my urine and am currently on CIPRO.

So all this venting to say...don't go to that office! Please also pray this infection finally goes away. It hasn't gotten better yet and I been on the Rx a few days so we'll see!

New Decorations?

The other night I asked Gabe & Noah to get ready for a bath while I put Joel to bed. I was walking back from Joel's room and heard lots and lots of laughter coming from the bathroom. I get in there to see both boys, NAKED and hanging from the towel racks. Noah was on the towel rack on the wall and Gabe was right beside him hanging from the one in the shower. I couldn't help myself so I just stood there and laughed. Gabe's response was, "Mom, we're wall decorations!" I did run and get my cell phone to take a picture however I can't post due to nudity! HA! So if you need new wall decorations, just hang your kids on things....just be sure they are dressed.

These are the days of my life...

So it always seems that when Jonathan is out of town...things happen to make me go nuts. This week has been no exception.
Jonathan left Sunday to fly to California for the week. Monday afternoon I am informed that our check (which should have been deposited at 12:01am) had not been deposited. WHAT?!? I spent money thinking it had been electronically deposited like it always is and well...it wasn't. The company Gina uses deleted our payroll and we were not going to be paid until Wednesday. Needless to say it's been a nightmare. The bank was kind enough to delete half the charges and the Hallams are paying the other ones since it wasn't our fault but what a mess it's been! We ended up with 6 $35 overdraft charges! Wow does that add up!

Tuesday...I go to my follow up appointment at the Urologist to find out the reason I am still going to the bathroom a lot is b/c I may still have an infection. He ordered a culture because my white cell count was still high. Should know tomorrow if I will be put on antibiotics again or not. FUN! The other fun thing that happened was after getting the boys out of the bath, I walk into the kitchen to find bubbles all over the kitchen floor....the dishwasher was overflowing! UGH!!!

Wednesday...Besides starting to get a cold the day seems pretty normal. I go to MOPS at Killearn Methodist and then we all go to the boys soccer practices. It was 3am when I am awakened to some odd noises coming from Joel's room. He had thrown up all over his crib and had to have a bath. When I finally get back to bed after cleaning up everything...I turned my head just right and pulled my neck. OUCH! Which brings us to Thursday...

Thursday...I normally drive Gabe to school (just the two of us) and I wait on the playground for the bell to ring and then he gives me a hug and goes to his class. Well b/c Jonathan is gone...everyone has to go which is a little stressful. This means everyone has to get dressed and have eaten before we leave. However since Joel had thrown up...I didn't want him around all the kids so we had to drop Gabe off (which he wasn't very happy about). We then get to spend over an hour at the pediatrician's for Joel's well visit. He gets two shots along with not feeling well and pretty much sleeps the rest of the day. Typical Thursday we host a small group at our house but since Joel was sick...we had to cancel so...I had to call everyone to let them know we wouldn't be having it.

Thank goodness my boys have been great this week and for chocolate! HA! I am quite thankful that Jonathan will be home in a few hours and I can finally rest! WHEW! Being a Mommy sure is fun!

Classic Noah

Noah has a great personality. He's just a funny guy and always has something up his sleeve. The other day he was at church with a babysitter while Kelly was in a meeting. He asked the babysitter if they could go outside. She was new and had Joel and another little guy named Gavin. So, she explained that she didn't feel comfortable with that and that it was best to just stay inside for now. A few minutes later he took his compass over to her and started showing it off, etc. He then said, “do you see my compass?” and she said she did. He pushed it closer to her face and asked if she knew what it said. She said she had no idea, but he could tell her, so he immediately responded with a witty “it says YOU SHOULD TO TAKE ME OUTSIDE!” She busted out laughing, which of course meant that he continued to come to her with a different approach to the same problem. Classic.

Fay

Here is a picture of our yard when we arrived home tonight curteousy of Fay! We went to Panama City for a wedding and came home to some yard work. It will have to stop raining for more than 5 minutes for us to clean all that up! Glad it wasn't anything major!!

Gabe's 1st Day of School

Gabe had a good 1st day! He got a little scared on the bus but when he saw our neighbor get on he was better. The only other thing he told me before running off to the neighbors to play is that the twins from his preschool class were there too. I guess no news is good news!

Here he is standing outside his room!

The Heart of a Child

Lately, I've had a similar conversation in different situations. It's the kind that you eventually realize is God working on you; Growing you, pruning you or teaching you. Recently, I had a discussion with a friend about faith. The topic seemed to go straight into the common question of "Why does God allow suffering." In any conversation on this topic no answer is good enough and is always dismissed as a "nice response." You just can't convince anyone about a loving God when they ask this question. They are already committed to the fact that He is a harsh, unloving, uncaring God and "life" proves it. If He even exists that is. At the same time, my Pastor has been going through a sermon series on Job. A book focused on bad things happening to a good and holy man.

Tonight, I ate dinner at a friends house with a huge group of all of our friends. When I got there, the door was opened by a friend I hadn't seen in a very long time. Jay and Joanna Mitchell (Jay was the Student Pastor at Canopy Roads when we first joined nine years ago) were in town visiting. It was great to see them and their family. After we ate dinner, Jay told all of us how God has called him to plant a church in Greensboro, NC. This is very exciting and I know, just hearing him speak that he and Joanna are destined to do big things for God. It was inspiring. My son Gabriel sat listening to Jay's story. He was being great and just playing silently while Jay spoke. I had no idea he was listening. Jay began to speak about the struggles and pains that have come with the decision to start a church. It's a reality that I found both scary and refreshing. Scary that, yet again, God has allowed serious struggles for a true follower of Christ (starting a church no less), but refreshing in Jay and Joanna's unbelievable attitude of faith in God's plan. I was inspired. But not ready for the conversation on the ride home.

Gabriel apparently was listening VERY intently the whole time. When Jay was speaking, he had mentioned that one of their struggles was needing to find a house and not knowing how they will sell their current house, etc. Gabriel leaned in and whispered "do they need a home?" I responded, rather dismissively, "They're just looking for one, buddy." On the way home, Gabriel wanted much more clarification. WAY more than I expected. He asked me again about Jay and Joanna's home. "Daddy, that man that was talking...does he not have a home?" "Yes, he does, buddy." I said. "He's just moving and following God. He's starting a new church and needs a new home. He needs us to pray and he needs money to do God's will. It costs money to start a church." Again, I thought that took care of it. Then from the back of the car came a very sincere sounding, "Daddy." "Yeah, pal," I said. "I'm confused about three things." "What do you mean," I asked. "One, (yes, he counted them out) I don't understand why tree limbs fall on people, like when you were camping." (Explanation...I went camping one time and had a "widow maker" limb fall two feet from my head as I slept. This disturbed Gabe.) Two, I want our city to be good. And three, why didn't that man have a home?" Confusion central for me..."What?" I said again. "What do you mean?" He then went on the clarify and I kid you not..."I just don't know why bad things happen. I don't want people to get hurt (at this point he started tearing up and his voice started shaking). Why does that man not have a house and I just want my city to be good." I was floored. It was one of those..."did my child just become a philosopher all of the sudden" moments. He was talking about suffering and why bad things happen to good people.

Yet again, I was faced with a conversation about suffering, but this time, it was with my five year old son who is struggling to understand life, pain and even death. His next statement was even more deep. "Daddy, I don't know why people have to get hurt and die." I said, "Well, buddy, sometimes things happen and sometimes people get hurt, but we just have to keep living and keep helping people and just be happy. We can't worry about stuff like that. You don't have to worry about that. Okay?" I said. He still continued, still upset, "Like my great, great Granddad. I wish he didn't die. I wanted to see him." he says. (I mentioned my Grandfather a month ago and Gabriel wanted to know where he was. I had told him that he had passed away. That's the last we spoke of it until tonight.) Then he truly starts to cry, though trying hard not too. "I don't like it when people are hurt and die. I don't want you to die, or mommy and I don't want to die." Noah chimed in at this point "Or MOMMY!!" he said in agreement. Gabe continued, "I just want everyone to be good and not have anything bad happen and not die." I was truly amazed at his empathy (realize that all of this came from his serious concern over Jay and Joanna's home situation) and I began to realize the degree in which he was becoming aware and fearful of realities of life. Specifically, that pain and death happens to everyone. Again, I just reassured him that we're okay and even if bad things happen, we just need to stay strong and help each other and other people (what can you tell him?????). I just kept telling him that he doesn't need to worry about that. "God says not to worry," I told him.

Later, as I was putting this wonderful, innocent five year old to bed, I worried about his little mind racing with thoughts of suffering and I was saddened. I don't have an answer. I just don't. Then he rescued me in a way that I couldn't for him. He was chatting as he got into bed. This is his favorite time to bring up "heavy" conversations. But, this time, it didn't feel like he just wanted to stay up. Again, he asked about Jay's home. I said, "He's got one, pal. He's going to start a church and needs us to pray and needs some money for the chruch. That's all." I then turned out the light and in the darkness, without hesitation, I heard him say, "Daddy, we should pray for him now." "You're right..." and before I could say anything else, he prayed his own prayer for Jay and Joanna. He asked for them to find a home, to be safe and to have "all they need to make a church." I'm very proud of him and I have learned more from him tonight than any intellectual conversation. Just pray with your heart and the innocence of a child and let God worry about the why.