Conrad Sanatorium

Medical Status Report: 2nd May, 2008

Gabriel: Temperature of 104
Noah: Busted lip, vomiting
Joel: Black eye, vomiting
Kelly: In need of vacation for mental instability
Jonathan: In need of vacation due to wife's mental instability and thus his safety

As of late, our house has become a hospital (for our children) and mental institution (for us). I believe they use to call these places sanatoriums? Joel (at 9 months) has his first black eye. He decided he didn't want to be in the car seat as he was being buckled and rolled out of it, fell on the floor of the van, hitting Gabe's baseball bat. Not a good moment. Noah followed suit that night by wrestling with Gabe until he fell face first on the hardwood floor, busting his lip and hitting his tooth. Shortly following both, Gabriel developed a 104 temperature. Later THAT night, Kelly and I heard Joel crying (strangely) and went to check on him. He was throwing up...A LOT! As we were cleaning Joel and his bed, Noah wakes up...walks out of his room crying and threw up. Every 10 minutes the rest of the night either Joel or Noah were heaving and Gabriel still had 102+ fever. The next day, they all seemed better...until bed time. After seemingly having gotten over everything, all of them regressed. We put Joel to bed...he threw up. We put Noah to bed...he threw up twice. We put Gabe to bed...got a scream in the middle of the night and he is back to 104. So, at this very moment Gabe has 104, Noah has a busted lip, slight fever and is throwing up and Joel has a black eye, slight fever and is throwing up. Kelly is nearing insanity and I am waiting for any one of them (or all of them) to break down mentally and attack me when I arrive home. Thus, we may be padding the walls in our house soon, if anyone wants to help. Hazard pay will be included.

Update: Kelly is now throwing up and I am officially the last man standing. If you don't hear from me in 48 hours, the battle is lost and I have been committed to the Conrad Sanatorium.