The Heart of a Child

Lately, I've had a similar conversation in different situations. It's the kind that you eventually realize is God working on you; Growing you, pruning you or teaching you. Recently, I had a discussion with a friend about faith. The topic seemed to go straight into the common question of "Why does God allow suffering." In any conversation on this topic no answer is good enough and is always dismissed as a "nice response." You just can't convince anyone about a loving God when they ask this question. They are already committed to the fact that He is a harsh, unloving, uncaring God and "life" proves it. If He even exists that is. At the same time, my Pastor has been going through a sermon series on Job. A book focused on bad things happening to a good and holy man.

Tonight, I ate dinner at a friends house with a huge group of all of our friends. When I got there, the door was opened by a friend I hadn't seen in a very long time. Jay and Joanna Mitchell (Jay was the Student Pastor at Canopy Roads when we first joined nine years ago) were in town visiting. It was great to see them and their family. After we ate dinner, Jay told all of us how God has called him to plant a church in Greensboro, NC. This is very exciting and I know, just hearing him speak that he and Joanna are destined to do big things for God. It was inspiring. My son Gabriel sat listening to Jay's story. He was being great and just playing silently while Jay spoke. I had no idea he was listening. Jay began to speak about the struggles and pains that have come with the decision to start a church. It's a reality that I found both scary and refreshing. Scary that, yet again, God has allowed serious struggles for a true follower of Christ (starting a church no less), but refreshing in Jay and Joanna's unbelievable attitude of faith in God's plan. I was inspired. But not ready for the conversation on the ride home.

Gabriel apparently was listening VERY intently the whole time. When Jay was speaking, he had mentioned that one of their struggles was needing to find a house and not knowing how they will sell their current house, etc. Gabriel leaned in and whispered "do they need a home?" I responded, rather dismissively, "They're just looking for one, buddy." On the way home, Gabriel wanted much more clarification. WAY more than I expected. He asked me again about Jay and Joanna's home. "Daddy, that man that was talking...does he not have a home?" "Yes, he does, buddy." I said. "He's just moving and following God. He's starting a new church and needs a new home. He needs us to pray and he needs money to do God's will. It costs money to start a church." Again, I thought that took care of it. Then from the back of the car came a very sincere sounding, "Daddy." "Yeah, pal," I said. "I'm confused about three things." "What do you mean," I asked. "One, (yes, he counted them out) I don't understand why tree limbs fall on people, like when you were camping." (Explanation...I went camping one time and had a "widow maker" limb fall two feet from my head as I slept. This disturbed Gabe.) Two, I want our city to be good. And three, why didn't that man have a home?" Confusion central for me..."What?" I said again. "What do you mean?" He then went on the clarify and I kid you not..."I just don't know why bad things happen. I don't want people to get hurt (at this point he started tearing up and his voice started shaking). Why does that man not have a house and I just want my city to be good." I was floored. It was one of those..."did my child just become a philosopher all of the sudden" moments. He was talking about suffering and why bad things happen to good people.

Yet again, I was faced with a conversation about suffering, but this time, it was with my five year old son who is struggling to understand life, pain and even death. His next statement was even more deep. "Daddy, I don't know why people have to get hurt and die." I said, "Well, buddy, sometimes things happen and sometimes people get hurt, but we just have to keep living and keep helping people and just be happy. We can't worry about stuff like that. You don't have to worry about that. Okay?" I said. He still continued, still upset, "Like my great, great Granddad. I wish he didn't die. I wanted to see him." he says. (I mentioned my Grandfather a month ago and Gabriel wanted to know where he was. I had told him that he had passed away. That's the last we spoke of it until tonight.) Then he truly starts to cry, though trying hard not too. "I don't like it when people are hurt and die. I don't want you to die, or mommy and I don't want to die." Noah chimed in at this point "Or MOMMY!!" he said in agreement. Gabe continued, "I just want everyone to be good and not have anything bad happen and not die." I was truly amazed at his empathy (realize that all of this came from his serious concern over Jay and Joanna's home situation) and I began to realize the degree in which he was becoming aware and fearful of realities of life. Specifically, that pain and death happens to everyone. Again, I just reassured him that we're okay and even if bad things happen, we just need to stay strong and help each other and other people (what can you tell him?????). I just kept telling him that he doesn't need to worry about that. "God says not to worry," I told him.

Later, as I was putting this wonderful, innocent five year old to bed, I worried about his little mind racing with thoughts of suffering and I was saddened. I don't have an answer. I just don't. Then he rescued me in a way that I couldn't for him. He was chatting as he got into bed. This is his favorite time to bring up "heavy" conversations. But, this time, it didn't feel like he just wanted to stay up. Again, he asked about Jay's home. I said, "He's got one, pal. He's going to start a church and needs us to pray and needs some money for the chruch. That's all." I then turned out the light and in the darkness, without hesitation, I heard him say, "Daddy, we should pray for him now." "You're right..." and before I could say anything else, he prayed his own prayer for Jay and Joanna. He asked for them to find a home, to be safe and to have "all they need to make a church." I'm very proud of him and I have learned more from him tonight than any intellectual conversation. Just pray with your heart and the innocence of a child and let God worry about the why.