I Thought At The Time

I thought at the time she was the most amazing woman in the world. July 31, 1999, I was just 20 years old. 10 days into being 20, in fact. Young, naïve, but “old for my age,” I thought. We were holding hands in the church where we met 15 years before. There was an awesome, baritone voiced man, Burney Enzor telling a crowd of friends and family about marriage. We were repeating our vows to be with one another forever. I remember thinking how crazy it was that we were getting married. And I wasn’t alone. Friends told me later that they were whispering during the wedding that this was so surreal. “Is this really happening?”

She was everything to me then. She was my friend. She was my focus and my reason for growing up and deciding to do more. We were going to do so many awesome things and all we had to do was have each other. We lit a candle to show the joining of our family and the start of our life together. We prayed, we kissed, and were presented as Mr. and Mrs. for the first time. I thought at the time she was the most amazing woman in the world.

Then life happens. We bought a house and started our next phase of college. She was determined. She was driven and she drove me to keep going. I was working full time and taking classes at night to keep some kind of momentum for my degree. She was working part-time and balancing a full time college course load for her Communications Disorders major. We had bills. We didn’t always have the money to pay them. She would pay one thing, delay another just long enough and then pay that before being late. Then do homework and study. Then remind me to study. Life got more complicated. It was hard. It was just us, but somehow life seemed to have gotten so challenging and busy. I changed jobs a few times to try to improve our financial situation a little. She helped me write resumes, helped me see what I was good at and to find the right opportunities. Then she’d study some more before bed and pay a few more bills, remind me about a doctor’s appointment and that she would be taking the dog to the vet the next day before class. We’d kiss good night and I would think about how much I loved her and I thought at the time she was the most amazing woman in the world.

But things change. She was pregnant and we were sure this was going to be so much fun. Things were just going to keep getting better. It was no longer just us. We were going to have a child together. How cool is that? We still hadn’t quite finished our degrees, but that’s no problem. I was almost done, maybe a couple of semesters to go. She finished her degree first. Going to final classes while pregnant, working, and still managing our life. Then she and I discussed my progress and decided I would go full time to school to finish my degree and she would switch to full time work. And so, she did. She started working full time to support our family while I finished my degree, got student loans, and worked part time. In a few more months we had both graduated. Not as easy as expected, but done. Now life was going to be a breeze. And I thought at the time she was the most amazing woman in the world.

And then reality hits. In 2002, we had our first son. It was awful. What in the world was this ridiculousness? He cried all the time and was the single most high-strung baby I’d ever met. And she was tired, sad, stressed, and a little angry, usually at me which I typically deserved. He was glued to her and she couldn’t rest. I didn’t know how to help and was not as good at this as I thought I’d be. We kept it together, though. We started figuring some things out. We (I) got less selfish. I was recruited out of college by a great company, but it required another move. Her support was unwavering. With our new, beautiful, and incredibly annoying bundle of joy we decided to go for it. We moved and she was as organized as ever and pushed me to my limits, like always. This, while also laying the foundation for our son to be the best he could be. She decided that her goals had changed and that she would stay home and raise him to be the man we knew he could be. Not just me, now. Not just her. A whole new world was starting for us and she was at the core. And I thought at the time she was the most amazing woman in the world.

Unfortunately, the new job wasn’t awesome. We missed home and family. We felt alone and with a small son it was tough. Money was still tight, despite the solve everything degrees and now, on top of that she was pregnant again. We were excited about our next little boy. He was going to be awesome, too, but let’s be honest. If the first year was going to go down like his brother’s, we’d like access to help. She was always supportive, but just as important she expected me to be everything I could be for our family. It wasn’t negative or positive. It was a simple fact that had always been there between her and me. It served as a pillar of strength and as my courage to reach higher. Or to simply pay attention to the needs of our growing family and what was best for them. So, we moved again. Coming closer to home and figuring out what would come next. We had our new son and he was a completely different kid. That wasn’t expected, but he was really quiet and happy (whew!) and we had figured out our family raising strategy. Things were still hard, but getting more of a rhythm to life. She was focused on two little boys, less than two years apart. She was keeping our family organization running smoothly and somehow still keeping me in line. And I thought at the time she was the most amazing woman in the world.

But life did what life does and got messy. We had a third son, but this time we didn’t care how loud he might be or how challenging. We just wanted him to be okay. It was sobering to see him in his oxygen tent and hear doctors saying stuff like “life flight him to Pensacola.” That was hard and scary. I broke down when that was mentioned. But not her. She just went to his bedside and talked calmly to nurses and doctors. She found out more info and, as always, inspired me to focus on the solution and next steps. We prayed. We had awesome friends support us and Joel came home, bigger than life and ready to drive us crazy in normal baby ways. And she was there. She was always keeping things together. Managing three boys under 5, now. Keeping our household together. Organizing church events and managing a bible study at our house. Our life had gotten absolutely crazy with busyness. And I thought at the time she was the most amazing woman in the world.

Life continues to change, faster and faster every moment. We had more and farther moves. She nearly single-handedly got two of our boys through middle school and into high school. She decided to get a job teaching pre-school, then come home and be the teacher, counselor, and mother to our three and manage realities of life dealing with loss of loved ones and helping manage her mom’s healthcare. The stresses are ever present, but so is she. Her focus hasn’t changed. It’s always been the same. To be the core of our family. To challenge me and our boys to be the men we all should be and to help us get there. She overwhelms me. I can’t imagine how I would have or could have done anything in my life without her. Nor how our children could possibly function in any way without the example she’s provided. She inspires, encourages, challenges, corrects, and counsels all of us in every way that we need it, whenever we need it, or even when we don’t think we do. She’s there. She’s always been there in my life.

On that hot day in July 1999, she sang a song as part of our wedding. “From This Moment,” by Shania Twain. It was a surprise for me. We stood holding hands and I heard these lyrics in her voice:

“From this moment life has begun. From this moment you are the one. Right beside you is where I belong. From this moment on.”

It’s now July 31, 2019. I’m forty years old. Just 10 days into being forty, in fact. Twenty years since I married my friend. And I know that she has been and is the most amazing woman in the world. From this moment on.